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Dating + Relationships

Love Letter: To The Single Mom Healing From Heartbreak

Anyone who bears a scar can tell you that behind that scar is a story of survival. It exists because you were either cut or burned and, unless the wound healed entirely, fibrous connective tissues ran their course on that area of your body and became a scar that you will always bear. If this is our bodies’ method of healing, then why do we expect our emotions to be any different?

Like physical scars, the emotional scars that we bear never go away. But in time, and with proper treatment, they can fade. It is your job to put forth the time and effort to do the work required. Additionally, there are some major things to consider. They may be difficult to face at first, but you can do this! You have everything you need to overcome. Here is what I want you to remember while you are healing:

PIN image the Christian single mom's guide to healing

It’s Not About Your Ex

Even if you have heard this from your friends or your mother already, I am going to tell you again. This healing process is not about your ex.

In previous breakups, I had always seemed to take it there. I pondered over the issues that might have led to him lying, sneaking, abusing, and cheating (I know girl, just sad) in the relationship. Was he a narcissist? A mama’s boy? Did his ex really hurt him that badly?

Uh, uh. Girl, who cares!? It is not your job to worry about him. You two are not an item anymore. Therefore, you have no control over any of the things that he did or does. Also, you are a whole single mother out here. All that focus and energy needs to be on you and your child(ren).

Instead of wondering what his deal was, you can learn about what you can do to improve your situation and avoid it ever happening again. It all starts with you. Trust me.

If you do not consider these things, you will just be back with that joker again. Or possibly fall for a different joker with the same issues or worse.

The Bible says, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…” (Philippians 3:13 NIV)

That means do not give up. You move forward without looking back at that ex that hurt you. Even on those days when your child looks just like him. Especially on the days when you miss him and you feel all hope is lost. God wants you to keep moving forward and striving towards greatness.

You Are Worthy of Healing, You Are Loved 

crop kneeling woman with heart on palms

Some days it may be hard to see it, but love is all around you. The most apparent love is the love of your kids. That is also one of the most important to consider.

You made a choice to be a mother. And your child is as much yours as he or she is the other parent’s.

Also, it’s important that you know you have family and friends that love you. If you do not have their support, there is a community of single moms right here who will have your back and understand your pain and pressures. We want to hear from you.

“The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” (Proverbs, 19:8 NIV)

The point is you should accept the notion that you are worth all the energy it will take to endure healing from heartbreak. Seek the knowledge necessary to be better. Do better. You will come out victorious.

Consequently, you will learn to love yourself and you can also learn to love someone romantically again. If done right, it will be the love God has for you. The one that you deserve.

My Gift To You

As I write this post, Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. Will you be my Valentine? 😂

But seriously, I want to help equip you with the right mindset. You can be your own Valentine this loving season. With God, you will learn to attract and accept the love you deserve. And, you’ll see that it starts with you and Him.

So, I am giving you access to the 14 “I Am” Bible Affirmations that I created just for Single Mothers. Join our community and get it for FREE now. I promise that Loveday will be every day from now on.

thumbnail screenshot of bible affirmations poster for single moms

Forgive Yourself, You Are a Survivor 

In case you forgot, you actually delivered a baby! Maybe even multiple babies. Perhaps, multiple babies on the same day! Whatever the case is, vaginal delivery or cesarean section, God used you to bring life into this world. You have a reason to celebrate!

You are a powerful entity. Our creator does not make mistakes. You survived a life-threatening ordeal (child-birth that is).

But whether your child’s father left you to carry and deliver your baby alone, like mine did, or you broke up after your child was born, you are a survivor. You made it through something you probably never thought you could.

The physical and emotional strain that carrying a child brings is enough to make any woman break down. But you, you had your heart broken in the mists of that. And you are still here.

Shoot! If you do not see it, I do. You are a survivor! Your wounds will heal and you will be even stronger because you survived!

So forgive yourself for this one failure. The break-up is not 100%, if at all, your fault. If the relationship was for you, it would be. But it is not. Forgive yourself and be gentle with your heart. You are a survivor.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NIV)

You Are Not Healing Alone, God Got You 

Okay, if you remember nothing else from this entire post, the one thing I need you to know is this, God got you, sis.

You are blessed to be a mother. It may be very challenging at times, yes. But where God guides, He also provides. You are a mother because He knew that you could face the trials and come out on top.

Your children are also blessings. Work towards ensuring that they are being lead to fulfilling their purpose in life. That is just one part of the many blessings God has in store for you.

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV) says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Though your child’s father left you and your child (or the relationship), God said that He will never abandon you. That means your story is not over yet. God still has a plan for your life!
woman in red dress

Prayer for Healing

Dear Father, you are love and I am pleased and honored to be in the presence of your saving grace. So, I confess all of my shortcomings and apologize for not acknowledging my blessings on those harder days. Now, I am learning to forgive myself and the one who has let me down. Thank you for your patience and your steadfastness through my darkest and loneliest of times. Thank you because you will never leave or forsake me. I realize that you are with me, Lord. Stay with me, please. Help me push through this heartbreak. I open up my heart to you. Heal me, Father. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

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